~Things that scare the hell out of me, Part One.~ January 4, 2009

I don’t scare easily.  I haven’t seen a movie that scared me.  Like, ever.  I did read a book (well ok, like 20 of them) about Ted Bundy that scared me.  Ted Bundy fascinates me in a scary way.  I could not read all of Helter Skelter, a fun fact that I am still irritated with myself over.  So basically, there are few things in life that scare me.  However, I have compiled a list (with pics!) of some things that do. And not in a good way like Mr. Bundy.

FIRST UP…

 

Miss Miley Cyrus.  Most people know how I feel about Miley.   If a show like Hannah Montana can be a success and Billy Ray Miley can make eleventy six million dollars a year what does that say about our society? The Apocalypse is nigh! Nigh, I tell you! Nigh!

NEXT…

 

 

 

Rachael Fricking Ray…

Rachael is annoying for many reasons, but here are a few.  She says stupid things that bother me like DELISH, NUTRISH and YUMM-O, she talks with her hands way too much, she uses EVOO Extra Virgin Olive Oil and onions and garlic in everything and her voice and her scary joker smile freak me out.

You know what else freaks me out?  Like Miley, I feel like I am being VOMITED on constantly by the commercialistic(?) money machine that is Rachael Ray.  The woman has more money than God and she’s nothing but a damn tool.

It’s a sad day when someone as not awesome as Rachael can make that much money when here I sit, being all full of awesome with no money.  I can also cook and the things I cook never look like vomit and/or dog food.  I have seen her food and her recipes and I have a sneaking suspicion that the only thing Rachael can cook well is methamphetamines.

Shut up Rachael.

THIRD…

 

Ahh…The Wonder Pets.

Whoever invented this show was into some serious hallucinogens.  It scares me.  If you have not seen this, tune into Noggin and catch it sometime.  One thing about it that makes me laugh, well MADE me laugh, like once, is that the turtle is wearing those water shoes things.  What?

The duck has a really irritating speech impediment and her name is Ming-Ming which leads me to wonder if she is of Asian descent.  Then I get bugged cause I am wondering.

They are evil.  And scary.

AND LASTLY WE HAVE…

 

Come on now.  Does anyone with the exception of Michael Landon believe that any man would have been caught dead in this in the late 1800’s?  Hell, back then showing your ankles was scandalous.  This is totally just a fabricated reason for Michael Landon to show his what I can only assume that someone, somewhere considered hot body.  Possibly the makeup girl he left his wife for was watching off to the right there.

Put your man boobs back in your shirt Michael.  And shut up while you’re at it.

 

Check back for Part Two of this series, which is going to deal exclusively with The Land of Make Believe from Mr. Rogers, which definitely deserves a post all its own as I am pretty sure The Land of Make Believe is the cause of most of the problems in my life.