~My faith in humanity is destroyed. June 29, 2009

So okay, it’s no secret that I see dumb people.  They’re everywhere.  One of the worst lies of our time is the phrase “there are no stupid questions.”  Anyone who says that little line is quite frankly, as stupid as the question they are about to ask.

That being said, here’s a little gem from my life, in conversation format.

Me: Me, of course.

SCW: Stupid Co-Worker. Who talks in a Valley Girl voice. HATE.

SCW: Omg! We have no ranch!

Me: Yeah, I told the kitchen. They are going to make some.

SCW: <Seriously confused> Wait, we MAKE ranch??!!?

Me: Uh? Yes?

SCW: SHUT UP!  Really?  I didn’t know you had to make ranch!!

Me: Oh yeah, the ranch tree they bought isn’t here yet, so they have to make it until then.

I hate people.

~My faith in humanity is destroyed…again. June 29, 2009

Dear Asshats-Party of 4,

Thanks so much for showing up tonight at 5:30 and bitching at me because you had to be at a movie at 6.  Also smart on your part to order 4 steak dinners.  Because steak cooks so quickly.  Of course you know that, since you screamed in my face and told me you are a cook and you know steak only takes six minutes.  I am sorry our cooks don’t seem to have your mad skillz with the beef.

Also, that $1.75 you left me?  More than adequate for the 70 dollars worth of tequila shots you drank, not to mention the price of 4 steak dinners.  It was awesome that I had to tip out my bartender almost 400 percent of what I made from you.  Not to mention the busser I tipped out who stayed 35 minutes past the end of his shift to clean up the mess you left.

Next time you have to be somewhere OMG RIGHT NAO!! maybe you should try McDonalds. 

Much hate,

Me