~My faith in humanity is destroyed. June 29, 2009

So okay, it’s no secret that I see dumb people.  They’re everywhere.  One of the worst lies of our time is the phrase “there are no stupid questions.”  Anyone who says that little line is quite frankly, as stupid as the question they are about to ask.

That being said, here’s a little gem from my life, in conversation format.

Me: Me, of course.

SCW: Stupid Co-Worker. Who talks in a Valley Girl voice. HATE.

SCW: Omg! We have no ranch!

Me: Yeah, I told the kitchen. They are going to make some.

SCW: <Seriously confused> Wait, we MAKE ranch??!!?

Me: Uh? Yes?

SCW: SHUT UP!  Really?  I didn’t know you had to make ranch!!

Me: Oh yeah, the ranch tree they bought isn’t here yet, so they have to make it until then.

I hate people.

~My faith in humanity is destroyed…again. June 29, 2009

Dear Asshats-Party of 4,

Thanks so much for showing up tonight at 5:30 and bitching at me because you had to be at a movie at 6.  Also smart on your part to order 4 steak dinners.  Because steak cooks so quickly.  Of course you know that, since you screamed in my face and told me you are a cook and you know steak only takes six minutes.  I am sorry our cooks don’t seem to have your mad skillz with the beef.

Also, that $1.75 you left me?  More than adequate for the 70 dollars worth of tequila shots you drank, not to mention the price of 4 steak dinners.  It was awesome that I had to tip out my bartender almost 400 percent of what I made from you.  Not to mention the busser I tipped out who stayed 35 minutes past the end of his shift to clean up the mess you left.

Next time you have to be somewhere OMG RIGHT NAO!! maybe you should try McDonalds. 

Much hate,

Me

~Not sure what this is all about~ February 8, 2009

This picture of Piper cracks me right the hell off.  She is so cute!

~Tabasco L. Lund aka Fatty McButterpants~ February 8, 2009

My cat has a little bit of a weight problem.  As in, he weighs about 25-27 pounds.  I took some pictures of him next to Piper, but she was being all butt hurt so I used my remote to provide some perspective on exactly how big he is.

The vet says he is not really overweight, as he is a really big cat.  The vet obviously has not lost the circulation to his body parts when he wakes up in the middle of the night with Basco laying on his arm.

He eats his weight in canned cat food daily, but I wouldn’t trade him for anything.  He is kinda my BFF, cause I’m a dork.

~Tyler being awesome~ February 7, 2009

Here are some of the pics from Tylers choir concert a few weeks ago, I finally figured out how to get them off the disk and onto my computer.

He is the only kid in his choir class that knows how to play the guitar, so he accompanied his teacher on guitar for some of the songs.

~My future bag lady~ February 7, 2009

So Miss P has this thing she does, she loves LOVES bags.  Grocery bags,  gift bags, purses.  Anything you can fill and carry, she is all over it.  And this is what she does with them.  She fills them up with random items she picks up.  Right now she has 5 different bags that I could find.  Here is a pic of the contents of 2 of the bags.

 

In the first bag, there was a bouncy ball, an ice scraper, my old library card from like 5 years ago, a pen, one of those magnet clippy things you hang on the fridge, a lid from a pen I have never seen, a really sharp looking poky thing that I confiscated, some old nail polish and a puzzle piece from a puzzle we no longer own.

In the second bag, some random cell phone battery from a cell phone no one remembers, a $20.00 off coupon for getting your taxes done, and a lid for CD’s.

I don’t even know.  She has always done this, it’s pretty funny.  When she goes to sleep we go through her bags for a good laugh.  She kills me.

~Don’t know what to name your baby? Just throw a cat at your keyboard!~ February 3, 2009

I totally have a thing for baby names.  Sometimes this fixation leads me to laugh at others.  Not the nicest, especially when my daughters name is considered strange to some.  However, at least my daughters name is an actual word, not a word contrived by throwing your cat at your keyboard or smoking crack and playing Boggle.  Her name is different, but it is spelled just like it sounds, saving her from going through life spelling her name out for all and sundry cause her mommeigh thought it would be kewt and klevehr to name her PighPur.

Yeah, I have issues.  Which brings us to…

Every year, the local paper in my area does a feature of babies born in the last year whose parents want to show their pics. Check it out…

The Good:

Lauryn
Charly-girl
Neil
Rebekah
Simon
Natasha
Natalie
Miles

The not bad, but so overplayed:

Ava-9 of them.
Gracie/Gracey/Gracie/Gracee and Graycie
Olivia/Alivia-6 of them.

The good names, kree8tyvely spelled for yewneekness!

Khloee, Kloey
Emalee
Lylian-sibling Lexii
Jaiymee (damn, not only did they get the double “e” in there but also a “y”. Well played, Jaiymee’s parents, well played.)

Now on to the WTF category:

THE GIRLS:

Akasha
Paisley and Paizlee
Oaklee and Oaklie
Kamree, KamBree, Cambree, Kamrey
Skyah
Kaydense (evil evil spelling)
Bentley
Kairi
Teiandra
Presley Rose
Londyn, London and another London
Boston
Harlie
Breklynn and Breklyn (This to me sounds like the noise my cat makes just before he pukes on the carpet)
Parker
Kenzlee
Emeri
Tyler-Marie
Jetta
Katilane Marhea (Marie?) Idk.
Saylor x 2
Klein
Nykell
Navi-Lu

THE BOYS:

Remington
Raleigh
Kage
Dreyson
Kadence (yeah, he is def. a boy)
Brindin
Memphis
Jacetin
Gunner
Stone
Talon
Tildon
Revin
Bodey
Khysen
Tenzing
Rylan
Carver (Nip/Tuck fan anyone?)
Ryker x 4
Jack-Danial (oh how cute and funny. except not.)
Rowdy

People scare me.

~Some new things to discuss~ January 30, 2009

Apparently Bonnie is tired of discussing whether or not Barney is a T-Rex.  I feel your pain, sister.  Let’s get some new topics here.  I love games like this, I could go on for days! Yes!

1.  Ginger or MaryAnn?

2.  Ariel or Belle?

3.  Marcia or Jan?

4.  Who is your favorite Superhero?

5.  Fruity Pebbles or Cocoa Pebbles?

6.  Who is your favorite Beatle?

7.  Pac-Man or Ms. Pacman?

8.  Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood?

I got plenty more where these came from…but my girl child is needing my assistance right now, but I will be back with more.  Next we can play “Love it or Hate it!” Yay!

Talk amongst yourselves…

~Happy What?!?~ January 30, 2009

So my mom sent my brother to get my cake tonight.  They bought one because i LOVE store cake.  Love it so much.  My mom will make whatever kind of cake we want, my sister always picks Cherry Chip, homemade.  It’s ok.

When they ask what kind of cake I want, I always say store cake.  My all time favorite store cake is white cake with raspberry filling and white frosting.  Excellent.  But I digress…

My mom sent David to the store to get the cake.  When he got there, the cake decorator, whoever it is that writes on the cake was gone, so he went and bought that icing that comes in the tube to write on it himself.  And yes, he picked BLACK. Ha, I don’t know.

Anyway, instead of writing your basic boring HAPPY BIRTHDAY, he decides to do this….

Yes, it says “HAPPY HONIKA”.  And he wrote it himself y’all!

Awesome.

~My Chubby Bunny~ January 29, 2009

So I took Miss P to the doctor last week for her croup.  While we were there, they did the height and weight stuff since it’s been about a year since they did.  Well, imagine my surprise to find out she weighs 40 pounds!!  Yeah, FORTY.  She is 3 feet and 1 inch tall.

Since she is 3 years and 3 months, this puts her in the 95th percentile for her weight and the 31st percentile for her height.  Not only is she burly, she’s short.

I’m not complaining, she is perfect and she is healthy.  That’s awesome and plenty good for me!  Cute little bugger.

Oh and this picture?  Pink markers hold much ink.  An unbelievable amount of ink.